I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
