Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina is officially offended.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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