if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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