Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
