Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
