it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
please don't ironically join a cult
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