East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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