Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
