dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
