Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
