you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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