I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
