The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
