3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
