imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are we still banned from the library?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
