i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
