I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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