Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
