There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
