The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
