All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
