My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You are the jesus of drinking
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
