I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
