I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
