i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
