I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
