a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
