Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
