So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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