he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
