We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
