Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
