Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
