then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
