I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
