I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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