So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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