She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
