If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
