if only i could text you this smell
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
