I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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