I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
