Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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