I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
