If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
