No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
