before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
