you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
