Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
