Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
