I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
