Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
