Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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