Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
